Thinking Out Loud: “Awkward Sally”, Quantum physics for dummies, desert Sharmen and that one time I thigh slapped my gynae.

Seeing as this is my second post and we are still getting acquainted I thought I would share a little something about myself that only my best friend knows, we’ve never actually discussed it, it has just always been self-evident to both of us but now, I am letting you in on it as well: I have an alter ego and no, she ain’t no Sasha Fierce. There are tons of psychological definitions for the “alter ego” but I’m simply going to stick with the urban dictionary definition which defines it as “Someone you’re usually not”, which is perfect because I can’t find a description more fitting for “Awkward Sally”, my alter ego, she is someone I am usually not.
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You see, since the moment Beyoncé uttered the words “Sasha Fierce”, alter egos have been associated with the “confident other”, well, as you might have gathered from the name, Awkward Sally is nothing even close to a Sacha Fierce type of alter ego. Thanks to Beyoncé, I thought ones alter ego was supposed to help you through situations where you are uncomfortable or shy, not make it worse. Of course other people have altered egos that only come out when they are drunk but that’s another issue for another day, the thing that upsets me about Awkward Sally is that she usually decides to make an appearance when I am speaking to someone I am attracted to and not only that, she either can’t construct proper sentences, goes mute or just simply isn’t me, I have a bit noticeable sense of humour with a hint of sarcasm and even when I am quite, it really doesn’t come from a place of shyness, sometimes I just don’t feel like interacting with other humans. Awkward Sally is nothing like that, she is full on shy and dry as hell. I need to get rid of her. Someone needs to write a self-help booked simply titled: How to Kill Your Alter Ego.

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Moving on from “Awks Sally”, am I the only one that really struggles when my favourite TV shows end or are cancelled? I heard the Good Wife is ending and I haven’t watched an episode since. The moment it is announced that the show is ending, I’ll stop watching and I will literally take months mentally preparing myself to watch the ending. In my head if I don’t watch the final episode or season, the show isn’t over for me, so all is well. It took me more than a year after the final episode aired for me to bring myself to watch the last season of The Office. And I just found the strength to watch the final seasons of True Blood and Parks and Recreations which both ended two and one year ago respectively. The Parks and Rec finale was one for the fans, they really gave us what we wanted to see, happy endings for everyone so naturally I wept. The True Blood final season on the other hand was filled with death but I didn’t expect anything less from the people, vamps, witches, shapeshifts and other supernatural creatures from Bon Temp, even though I did shed a tear when Alcide Herveaux (Joe Manganiello’s acting is questionable but he is so good to look at) died and I’m still kind of disappointed that Sookie and Eric didn’t end up together but, regardless, it was hard to let go of the characters, I’d gotten emotionally attached.

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Still on the topic of the small screen, I am loving Eva Longoria’s new sitcom, Telenovela. It isn’t a telenovela itself but it might as well be, it’s so dramatic in the most hilarious way. The show is about Spanish telenovela star, Ana Sophie, played by Longoria and her life on and off the telenovela set, she is of course complemented by a noteworthy supporting cast who play every stereotypical soap opera character you could ever imagine. Credit to the writers because although the show is based on the Latin American soap opera scene, it’s still appealing to a broad audience. Is it a little over the top? Yes. Do I think that for it to live to see another season, they’ll have to tone with down a little? Yes. But there aren’t a lot of shows on TV that make me genuinely laugh anymore and this one sure does. Also, I have always found Eva Longoria so endearing; I really can’t hate on her even if I tried.

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Bachelor recap: Jubilee and Olivia are gone so, hello boredom. Sad about Jubilee though, she was my favourite but she was just a bit too emo for the show, it is a TV production at the end of the day and unless there is something a bit comical about all the tears and they can somehow make a joke out of you for being emotional all the time, you won’t last on that show. Just think about Lace from this season and also Ashley from Farmer Chris’s season. Furthermore, Bachelor Ben seems to have no issues with letting people go hey, in one episode he let go of 3 women who he had “strong feelings” towards. Whatever, the show is ridiculous. I love it though. 😀

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I only have one to describe American Crime Story: The People V. O.J. Simpson, CAPTIVATING! Absolute perfection. First of all, whoever the casting director is, deserves an Emmy, like right now, forget the nomination and voting process and waiting for next year’s awards season, they should just go ahead and give him or her the award because I have never seen as such an amazing ensemble of actors on one screen. Cuba Gooding Jr becomes O.J, I saw one of his interviews where he stated that it took him weeks after they had finished taping for him to get back to his normal state of mind, to feel like himself again, which I don’t doubt because I don’t remember the last time I saw acting that intense. Sarah Paulson, never disappoints. Courtney B. Vance is exceptional; I don’t know what is in the water at the Bassett-Vance house because Angela Bassett’s hubby’s gripping performance cannot be snubbed, except by White Hollywood which have been sleeping on him for decades. (Sidenote: Angela Bassett gives me life, I know it doesn’t make sense because of the age difference but if my life is ever made into a film, I want Mrs Bassett to play me). David Schwimmer makes one hell of a triumphant return to television and how can I forget John Travolta? For the past couple of years John Travolta has been a victim of so much ridicule (I’ll admit I laughed my ass off when he called Idina Menzel, Adele Dazeem. I’m still laughing now as I write this. I’m sorry) but if his performance doesn’t shut everyone up and remind us of the talent that he is, then I don’t know.  The only thing I honestly don’t like is all the Kardashian kids references, there is even a scene where the kids are watching their dad on TV during a press conference and they start chanting “KAR-DASH-IAN” repeatedly. I don’t see how Kourtney and her siblings have anything to do with anything regarding this, besides being Robert Kardashians children, for a moment I forgot this was a Ryan Murphy production. Seriously, Ryan we know whose father he was. We know. Believe me, we know.

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Okay, another confession, I love reality TV but not only that, I actually have aspirations of being a reality TV star one day but only if I produce the show myself, of course and you better believe I will be breathing down the post production team’s necks because I know that a lot events on these reality shows happen in a certain way and are chopped and edited to look like something else and a lot of it is staged by producers, I am not going to have myself act like a fool for rating. Okay, rant over, as I was saying, I love reality TV but I have to admit that there are some shows that I’m ill at ease about admitting that I watch, for example: Love and HipHop: Atlanta, Stevie and Joseline in LA (which I am the most mortified about admitting, so this has to stay between us, don’t tell anybody), Marriage Bootcamp: Celebrity Edition and my former favourites Basketball Wives, Jersey Shore, Geordie Shore and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. However, there are others for which I have absolutely no qualms disclosing that I am a loyal viewer of, like The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Beverly Hill and New York, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, The Bachelor Pad (cancelled L), The Bachelor in Paradise and of course the classics, The Amazing Race and Survivor. That being said, I found myself really stunned and amazed but not in a good way, when I saw a promo for another reality show that will star some A-List used-to-be’s and D-list celebrities, nothing in between, called “The MotherDaughter Experiment: Celebrity Edition” which will start airing in March and I am sure it will probably get good enough rating to get a second season because it is the kind of messy brainless show that audiences seem to gravitate towards these days, (myself included. Sometimes) but just watching the trailer made me kind of speechless, the only thing I have to say about it is that there is something wrong about watching people cuss out their mothers on TV. It’s a spinoff of Marriage Bootcamp: Celebrity Edition and as someone who watches that show, no marriage counselling happens, it’s all for entertainment because at the end of the day it is a television production. For me, the only person who still does the whole counselling thing with a little bit of integrity is Dr Phil, he isn’t perfect but don’t forget that it was the good Doctor who taught us that we teach people how to treat us, that forgiveness is a gift to yourself and not the other person, that you have to be accountable for your own life and I’m sure at some point or another you have seen the meme of him telling one of his guests “your fat, don’t sugar coat it because you’ll eat that too”. Brilliant. All the other shows are just made for TV and entertainment, no substance. I’m afraid, I definitely won’t be watching this one.

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Moving on, in my previous blog post I wrote about how I was reading Stephen Hawkins book called “The Grand Design” and how I was absolutely loving it because it felt more like philosophy than physics well I might have jumped the gun a little. Let’s just say that half way through the book I found myself yelling “OK GOOGLE! QUANTUM PHYSICS FOR DUMMIES! QUANTUM PHYSICS FOR DUMMIES, GOOGLE!” (I love Google’s voice search option; I literally walk around yelling at my phone all day). Stephen and Leonard Mlodinow, his co-author, flipped a switch on me like you will not believe. It got real scientific, real fast.  I am still reading the book though and although I might not understand everything, there is still a lot in there that does fascinate me and I am starting to think and wonder about things that I didn’t before, like what would happen if the Earth stopped spinning and I know people who are more scientifically inclined probably thought about that when they were five years old but to be honest, I’d never thought about that before and I now know that we best pray the Earth never does stop spinning (Scientists say it will probably never happen but I say we should say a little prayer and cross our fingers anyway) because we’d all die. The only way to describe what would happen is by telling you to imagine you were in a car that was going at over 1000 km/h and it suddenly stopped, you would actually feel yourself moving at that speed as you crash into the bash board, windscreen and everything in front of you in the directions that the car was moving (I think). If the Earth stopped moving, anything that isn’t tied down to a heavy rock, would suddenly start moving, more like flying, eastwards at more than 1000 km/h. Apparently the atmosphere would also move, creating winds as strong as those of an atomic bomb blast. Imagine. We’d be dead. Also giant tsunami waves would move inland so many people would drown. It would be a disaster, literally the end of the world. It will probably never happen though. I hope.

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In completely unrelated news, Missy Elliott appears to have found the fountain of youth or she has that Benjamin Button thing and is aging backwards, she has never looked so good. I recently saw a picture of her and good God, she looks stunning! Love her, I’m happy she is making new music, she’s an absolute legend. I am here for Misdemeanour.

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If I can offer you any advice about working out and staying fit, it is that you should never miss your Monday workout. I’m serious, whatever you do, do not miss Mondays. I know that if I miss Mondays, the rest of the week is very touch and go. I am very ill-disciplined and so I know that if I don’t get myself going on Monday, I’m pretty screwed. And Mondays are important days for me because that’s leg-day and leg-day is the best thing you can go for yourself because you work out your tush muscles and everybody enjoys a firm, round badonkadonk. Remember that song “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk”?

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The 4th of February was World Cancer Day and I think it is an important day to observe because cancer has affected so many people, either through having a loved one fight it or fighting it yourself and I also know that for as long as I can remember we been schooled about early detection and how it can save your life but not many of us don’t take that advice very seriously. One example is of the global “Movember” movement where guys grow their beards in November to raise awareness for men’s health and for cancer awareness, prostate cancer in particular which can be very aggressive. So annually for the last couple of year’s guys from different corners of the globe (FYI: I don’t believe the Earth is flat. I feel like I have to make that clear since the B.O.B thing) take part in this movement but how many of them actually go for a prostate exam? Growing a beard for awareness is great but breads aren’t cancer detectors. I think that the Movement initiative is amazing but people need to incorporate the ‘awareness’ into their lives.  Also ladies, I know Mammograms are uncomfortable and I thigh slapped my gynea during my last Pap smear (She hasn’t forgiven me, I saw her at the mall, she didn’t smile back) because it was just so comfortable, bordering on painful. I took one look at that metal apparatus they use which I am sure was designed by the devil himself and my vag locked up. But I went through with it anyway and guess what, they did actually end up finding abnormalities in my results and I had to go for another Pap smear. This time I looked up at the ceiling, if I don’t actually see the metal apparatus thing I’m good, otherwise the moment I feel it, my legs move involuntarily and if the doctor happens to be between them, I will most definitely thigh slap her, it’s really out of my control, my body reacts without me thinking. Anyway after the second test, I found out that I had nothing to worry about but during that one week, in-between all those tests, I was very scared and I didn’t want to worry my family and friends who are on the other side of the world from me until I knew for sure what was happening, so I silently freaked out but I kept on reminding myself that it is better to know because if detected early cervical cancer can be cured so I had a fighting chance. I am not going to bore you with all the statistics and facts about early detection, and I won’t lie and say that check-ups are fun, some parts are awkward and/or uncomfortable but it is a small price to pay.

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I have been having a recurring dream for years now where I wake up blind. Does anybody know what that even means? I should actually look into that. It is really weird because I can see myself being blind, it is an out of body kind of situation but it’s all a dream. Also, sometimes I’m conscious of myself dreaming. My second most reoccurring dream is one where I am running, I don’t know from what but I am running anyway, the thing that frustrates me in this dream is that I can’t run fast enough. My legs feel so heavy. What does that mean? I need to visit someone who has knowledge about dreams and other mysteries, like a Shaman. Can you imagine, an old desert Shaman, who also practices alchemy, patiently waiting for me in the middle of the Sahara because his spiritual guides told him of my arrival days before, dressed in white robes or whatever Shaman’s wear, and I would suddenly appear from a mirage, walking on the sand dunes looking like a Nubian goddess. I can so see it. Yes, that is what I shall do. I shall go to Morocco to consult a Sherman in the desert about my recurring dreams and it shall change my life forever. “A Monk Who Sold His Ferrari” vibes. Imagine.

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Oh God, on a bittersweet note, I’ve only have 6 weeks left in Thailand which isn’t a lot, I’ve missed my family and friends terribly but this experience has been so rewarding for me, I’m really just trying to hold on to every last moment because I know that this has been one hell of a moment in time for me so there really isn’t any bitterness but more gratitude than anything. I’ll never be able to fully explain what the experience has been like, I can write about parts of its but most of it will remain in my memory, there are so many moments that words or photos could never fully capture so it is those moments that will always remain mine. I get emo just thinking about it so before I really get into my feelings, I’m going to chuck up the deuces, say thank you and I’ll check you on the flipside.

Love and Light.

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