Stop Telling Me What to Do!
Note: Not all men are bigots/ chauvinists/idiots/ violent/misogynists. I shouldn’t have to say that the following personal opinion essay is speaking in general but here it is: I am speaking in general.
I read a Facebook post a couple of weeks ago that pissed me off so much, I throw my phone across the room. It survived. I was so pissed that I had to force myself not to reply to it at that moment because my response would have been loud and filled with profanities and I didn’t want what I had to say to be ignored because my comment would have read something like: Go fuck yourself, how about you go fuck yourself, also please go fuck yourself. So I decided to take a couple of WEEKS to cool off before I could address it, but I won’t lie, I can feel myself getting angry again as I type this. The post was written by a man and the first sentence read something like this: Women should stop sleeping with married men. I could feel my blood starting to boil from that sentence alone. It then goes on about how women who sleep with married men are keeping other women up at night waiting for their husbands to come home, how they are the reason these men don’t come home in time for dinner and don’t have time to spend with their children and as expected it ended with a bible verse about treating people how you want to be treated, that “do unto others” verse and asked single women how they can get on their knees at night and ask God for a husband while they are breaking another woman’s heart by sleeping with theirs. I have two things to say about this nonsense:
Firstly, men have absolutely no right to tell women what to do based on some kind of sexist superiority. Plain and simple. That, by the way, includes who we can and cannot sleep with. And seeing as we are busy handing out advice, ladies, your body belongs to you and only you. You have every right to do with it as you see fit, even if it that means “defiling” or poisoning it in any way shape or form. It is yours to nourish or use and abuse as you see if fit for YOU. You are accountable for your body. Your body does not belong to your man, men in general, your family, society, NOBODY but you.
Secondly, how about you start telling MARRIED MEN to stop sleeping around if you want to hold someone accountable for keeping MARRIED WOMEN up at night crying, waiting for their husbands to come home? How about you advice fathers to spend more time with their children? Why don’t you school men about prioritizing their wives and children? Why are you not preaching to MARRIED MEN? Why is it the other woman’s sin, seeing as we brought God into the argument? Where is his “do unto others” bible referral? Where is his accountability towards his wife and children? Unless a gun was put to his head or he was forced, without any will, to sleep with someone who is not his wife, he is responsible for his actions. Why are men generally never held accountable? “Because the other women STOLE him from his wife or girlfriend”. This is so stupid, men can’t be stolen, they are not inanimate objects. Otherwise it is called kidnapping and if that is so, you should probably get the police involved. This applies to humans in general, stealing people is called kidnapping. I’ve also noticed so many posts about how “real” men can’t be stolen. Firstly, as I have stated, men can’t be stolen, they can be kidnapped, also how do you even define “real men”, I think that is something men should be discussing, particularly how a label like that can be discriminative, instead of telling us what to do with ourselves.
Why is so easy for men to tell us what to do, why aren’t they addressing each other? Serious. How dare you?!
The post also speaks about how girls should try to not be tempted by “sugar daddies”. Telling girls to stop sleeping with married men because it makes their wives cry at night will definitely not solve your “sugar daddy” issue. Sorry, wrong approach. Empowering young girls and women will. Teaching girls that their bodies are theirs and that no man is entitled to it because he bought her airtime or bought her a bottle of Moët, that they shouldn’t be manipulated into using their bodies in a way that objectifies them. Also, “Slut shaming” is another form of violence towards women and girls and it is disempowering and discouraging. How about you tell men to stop manipulating and taking advantage of young girls who don’t have the same mental maturity and are still growing into their own? We should be constantly working towards creating a world where children are not vulnerable to these types of situations, not shaming them. Another thing I have noticed about “slut-shaming” is that it is often done by women towards other women, if we want equal respect, dignity and opportunity, we have to start by treating each other with that respect and dignity first. We need to protect each other and stand together against a patriarchal system and society that belittles women’s human dignity and freedom. When you shame someone, you are infringing on their human dignity. Don’t do that. Let’s have compassion for each other.
Since I saw that particular post, I have been extra sensitive to these kind of posts online and a day doesn’t go by where I don’t see something that is degrading to women and simply misogynistic and sexist. Here are some examples:
Organized religion and people’s interpretations of teachings and scriptures continue to fail us.
Get a maid.
Again, takes away all accountability and agency. Even if a woman is naked in front of you, you have no right to “take that ass” without consent. Wouldn’t it be nice, if the people who take time to draw and caption these pictures started drawing pictures teaching their “niggas” about consent? Am I asking for too much?
Hey Sexist, again, why don’t you get yourself a maid?
Let’s play the blame game. Let’s blame the victims.
These are only but a few of the hundreds of thousands of online posts that are sexist and misogynistic and violent towards women. I believe that the internet is the greatest social experiment ever created, if what people write and share online isn’t a reflection of societies beliefs and thoughts and ideas than I don’t know. The amount of sexism, misogyny and aggressive and violent expressions of patriarchy is frightening but I for one am not afraid to stand up against it and I demand equal dignity, freedom and opportunity as men and I won’t speak for all women when I say this, but for myself, quite simply I want men to stop telling me what to do based on my gender and their perceived superiority over me. I’m not here for it.